Don't let me get me
by SaphireMMTPX
Summary: Joey decides nothing matters any more. First try at Joey's POV


I own nothing, but the fic it's self. Everything is (C) Pink, and (C) to the creators of YGO  
  
~*~  
  
I never win fist place.   
  
I don't support the team.   
  
I can't take directions,   
  
And my socks are never clean.   
  
~*~  
  
I stand back, watching as my best friend takes home first place. Again. For about the fifth time this year. I always come in last. I try and try, but I never come in close to him. It really never mattered anyhow.   
  
The crowd is chanting his name. 'Yugi, Yugi, Yugi..." That's all I ever hear. I'll never hear my name chanted by millions for my efforts. It's why I give up. Why I -gave- up.   
  
It never really mattered how many times Yugi would try and try. Time and time again. To teach me good strategies for Duel monsters cards, dice, or any other game for that matter. I always sucked at it. Sure, I love playing games... But... I should just give up. I'm just a filthy dog. Whipped and beaten.  
  
~*~  
  
Teachers dated me.   
  
My parents hated me.   
  
I was always in a fight,   
  
Cause I, can't do nothing right.  
  
~*~  
  
Yugi had won against Seto. Every year, Yugi wins first place in everything. His walls are lined with trophies. His grandpa couldn't be more proud. While my parents would scream at me to try harder. They thought that my career choice was stupid. They hated how I threw my art scholarships away. All to follow my dream of becoming the best Duel monsters player there ever was.   
  
That all changed when I met Yugi. He took my dreams away from me. Not that I blame him, or would I, yet I do. It's not his fault. It's mine. I didn't try hard enough. So I'm just all washed up.  
  
Seto would always be second. He didn't even seem to mind. He even started to give Yugi and me exclusive cards. Promos and the like from the company. We'd always end up with first editions. But I never used them. I always ended up selling them about a few months after they were stopped being printed. Quick money.  
  
Everyday, I'd get into fights with my friends, or people I didn't even know. They'd yell at me for doing anything wrong. Like a math question, putting up a picture crooked. I just couldn't do anything right.  
  
~*~  
  
Everyday I fight a war,   
  
Against the mirror.  
  
I can't take the person,   
  
Starring back at me.  
  
~*~  
  
I turn and go through the swarm that's surround Yugi's triumph over a Dungeons Dice Monsters match. I manage to get to the back, by the bathroom with out being noticed. Of course. Why would any one notice the third place loser?  
  
I go through the door to the men's room. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, I see my image distorts and growl and mock me. I scream and punch it, cracking it and cutting my hand up. I can't take all this any more.   
  
~*~  
  
I'm a hazard to myself.  
  
Don't let me get me.  
  
I'm my own worst enemy.  
  
It's about when you annoy yourself.  
  
~*~  
  
I stand, head hung in defeat as a tear rolls down my cheek. The door opens behind me, and small footsteps shuffle inwards. I can see Yugi out of the corner of my eye, trying to push out the reporters like always. When he finally manages to successfully close and lock the door, her turns and stops. Shocked I'm standing there. My hand is aching, but not as bad as the pain in my heart.  
  
"Joey... Your hurt..." I snicker a bit to myself, and pull on that old mask. The idiot clueless mask. I look up and smile.  
  
"Oh, this, nothing, just punched the mirror in frustration is all." Yugi's face darkens a bit. His eyes change, as does his voice. Yami begins to talk to me.  
  
"Like hell it isn't. What did you do? What the hell were you thinking?" I roll my eyes back and laugh. Lying to Yugi is so easy, but to Yami, it's another thing. It's like trying to lie to a lawyer. Can't be done. I chuckle, and soon that turns into a laugh. Then that rolls into all out maniacal laugh.  
  
"Don't you see? I just... gave up. Screw it! Ahaha..ha..haha!" I close my eyes, grinning as my head lowers to the ground. My face has darkened.  
  
"Joey, your scaring Yugi. Me even. Stop it!" I slump against the wall, and sit on my heals. I place my bloody hand over my face. My crazy sadistic eye shows through the flow of the blood. Yami reaches out, and slap his hand away.   
  
"You don't understand. You'll never understand. You never loose. Never... Loose. You never know how it feels to be a looser. I'm always stuck in your shadow Yugi, Yami. Why should I bother? It's futile. I suck at games. The only games I rule at were side scrollers, first person shooters, flight simulators and the like." I stand and push past him, then slam the door open with sheer force. I stumble out, and through the crowd, weaving my way to an exit. Any exit. I can hear Yugi scream my name. Yelling for me to come back. I can't. I can't go back. Back to being nothing. A loser. Third best. Dead last.  
  
~*~  
  
So irritating.  
  
I don't wanna be my friend no more.  
  
I wanna be somebody else.  
  
I wanna be somebody else.  
  
~*~  
  
I get to the back exit and go through the door and past the dumpster. I run and run. Where to is a mystery. I just don't care. It's cold and it's snowing. Not only that, it's night. I slip and nearly fall over, but I keep my balance. Barely. I run and end up at the bridge. I stop, and look out, over at the city's lights. It's all reflected by the water. So beautiful. I wish I were someone else. I wanted to be Yugi. I wanted to be Seto. Hell, I'd even want to be Weevil. Just not me. Any one but me.   
  
I hate myself to the point where I think back to all the times where if I were someone else, I wouldn't have had to make hard decisions. I wouldn't have to have been saved, protected or loose.  
  
~*~  
  
LA told me,  
  
You'd be a pop star,  
  
All you have to change,  
  
Is everything you are.  
  
~*~  
  
I tried to change when people told me I wasn't what they wanted. I tried to change everything. Anything. Just to be different. I ended up becoming a happy go lucky idiot with a low IQ on the outside. On the inside, I'm lonely, sad, and alone.  
  
I tried to change the way I talked. The way I looked. Nothing worked. I was called a copycat. A poser. No matter what I did, even if I did something original, Yugi would copy it, and then he'd get noticed for being different. Praised for it. Then I'd be called the copycat. No one wants a second rate...no, third rate looser.  
  
~*~  
  
Tired of being compared,  
  
To damn Yugi Motu.  
  
He's so lucky,  
  
That just ain't me.  
  
~*~  
  
Every told me I wasn't the best. They kept comparing me to Yugi. Telling me I should be more like him. I should try harder. Nothing works my way. I'm not lucky enough to be cursed with a puzzle from ages long since past. I'm not lucky enough to know everything about duel monsters, or any strategies. I'm not smart enough to know anything.  
  
~*~  
  
So doctor, doctor,  
  
Wont you please prescribe me something?  
  
I'm playing the life of someone else,  
  
Cause I'm a hazard to myself.  
  
~*~  
  
I smile, leaning forward, barely holding onto the frozen rails. I feel a bit better. Watching the snow on the bits of frozen ice on the river. Everything I became was a mask. Something I've grown to hate. I want it all to go away so badly. I wish, on a single shooting star. I watch it disappear as I let go. I don't even hear the scream of my best friend as I fall down into the freezing water. Sinking to the bottom like a rock. My lungs fill with ice-cold water as I slowly black out, watching the blurred misshapen glow of the moon. I smile to myself as I do something I should have since before I met Yugi. I never belonged here.   
  
~*~  
  
Don't let me get me.  
  
I'm my own worst enemy.  
  
It's about when you annoy yourself.  
  
So irritating.  
  
~*~  
  
Goodbye my friends. Good-bye Yugi, Yami. Honda, Mai, Sis, Tea, Seto. Everyone. I'm sorry. I can't pretend to be something I'm not any more. Good-bye.  
  
~*~  
  
Owari...?  
  
~*~ 


End file.
